A thought for cats and humans alike

Love is the joy of the good,

the wonder of the wise,

the amazement of the gods.

– Plato

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

Until next time, à bientôt mes amis.

– Coco

The eyes have it

Did you know that cats and humans share about 90% of their DNA?  Need proof? 

At first glance, this last one may appear a bit tenuous but what you don’t know is that both were reacting to news of the latest resignation on Parliament Hill. 

Eh ! Voilà ! The resemblance is clear, non ?

Au revoir mes amis.

– Coco

All creatures great and small

Have you noticed all the amazing stories about animal friends in the news lately? 

There’s Boots, a golden retriever mix who somehow survived Hurricane Katrina by himself, and has since spent much of his time acting as a nanny to kittens at the local shelter.

Then there’s Memory, a Boston terrier who found a litter of days-old kittens and nursed them back to health, despite the fact she’d never had babies of her own.

And, finally, a little stray dog was discovered in a ravine protecting an orphaned kitten. The two are now inseparable, waiting for some lucky person to adopt them both.

As a renowned author once wrote, “If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans.”

Think about it.

Until next time, à bientôt mes amis!

– Coco

The Lion in Winter

Ever since I was a wee kitten, I’ve had this postcard in my collection: 

Charming, isn’t it?

It came from my Great Auntie Coco in Paris who clearly imagined winter in Ottawa as something other than it actually is, i.e., pleasant.

Nevertheless, I’ve always wondered what it would be like to skate on the Rideau Canal so, one morning this past week, I decided to give it a go.

This is as far as I got. 

No sooner had I stepped foot on the ice than I was frozen in time and space. Not because of the cold, mind you — unlike yours, our fur coats aren’t just for show — but because of what my eyes beheld.

It was beyond belief.

In a spectacular display of ungainliness befitting only a basset hound, this guy — whom I can only imagine envisioned himself as a smooth, dude-like creature — tried to navigate his way over toward me.

Hey, I’m all for seeking personal fulfilment but not at the expense of one’s dignity. 

In general, despite this example of maladroitness, we are a self-respecting bunch. So, content to picture cats experiencing winter as a postcard image from long ago, I treated myself to a steamy cup of café au lait and hightailed it home.

Until next time, à bientôt mes amis!

– Coco

In search of Mouse Island

Earlier this week, I couldn’t help but let out a little cheer when I heard that some intrepid feline, rather than enduring an ungodly 24-hour drive halfway across the country in a van, opted instead to make his way to Mouse Island.

Aahhh, the fabled Isle of Mice — sounds perfectly lovely, doesn’t it? Oliver heard about it from ‘friends of friends’ who gave it four paws up on an evil social media site that will remain nameless.

Alas, all that glitters is not gold. This is what Oliver was promised versus what he got:

 

 

 

 

Turns out, there were no tasty-looking giant mice, no fancy resort and the boat tour looked dubious, so Oliver the Cat was out his $50 deposit and rendered homeless for three long months.

This is how vacations go awry, my friends: bad intel.

Thankfully, Oliver was finally returned to his human family but noticeably worse for wear, having lost almost a third of his body weight.

There is a silver lining though. Oliver now has a press agent, his own account on Trip Advisor and a book deal to publish his first travel memoir:

Happy reading.

À bientôt, mes amis!

– Coco

A letter from abroad

My lovely cousin Neko was in touch over the holidays with all the latest news from Japan. 

Seems her human, who is apparently renowned the world over as a lover of cats — oh, and as a novelist — is going to conduct an online Q&A with fans on all manner of subjects, from felines to philosophy. 

Although it sounds a lot like being a glorified advice columnist, I’m told the proper term is ‘agony uncle’. (Granted, the man looks a tad pained here but Neko does like a long nail.)

Anyway, he may be prepared for questions about cats, but I wonder if he’s prepared for questions from cats. I’ve decided to test him on this point. Here is a list of queries I’m considering submitting:

1. You once wrote about a town of talking cats but I’ve yet to pinpoint its precise location. Please advise. I would like to plan a bus tour.

2. Are you a true cat person, or are you simply anti-dog? For the benefit of my canine readership, please elaborate using only mono-syllabic words.

3. I understand you are also enamoured of a particular species of bird, namely, Tokyo’s Yakult Swallows. So, let’s imagine cats on one side of a field and these birds on the other . . . would you root for your loyal feline friends or those feckless wonders? In season, their stripes must be hypnotic but, seriously, wouldn’t you rather just eat one?

Still working on that last question. (I wouldn’t want to come off as catty.)

À bientôt, mes amis!

– Coco

Hello, 2015!

As you know, a New Year’s resolution is a commitment which an individual makes to achieving one or more personal goals, self-improvement projects, or the reforming of bad habits.

This morning, I took a poll in the neighborhood to see what cats are doing this year. After minutes of non-stop work, here is the short list for 2015:

5. I resolve to no longer send out positive vibes by psychic means to my human as it appears that this intense non-verbal, eye-communication serves only to freak them out and/or disturb their television viewing, and to my own detriment, i.e., later ignoring my silent pleas for food, etc.

4. I resolve to no longer help rearrange furniture by dragging my claws along its vertical edges, as it negates all the filing and buffing time I put in to make them nice and shiny.

3. I resolve to no longer use my digestive tract to express displeasure with my living conditions, as it sometimes takes my humans an ungodly amount of time to find and clean it up while, in the interim, I am simply left to ponder its unusual shape and color.

2. I resolve to no longer bring presents, living or otherwise, into the house, as it inevitably devolves into inexorable chaos characterized by screaming and running amok, thus disturbing my well-earned nap.

1. Therefore, I resolve to only use my claws, paws and/or teeth for the greater good of all felines, everywhere.

Bonne année, mes amis!

– Coco

Happy Holidays

Through the years we will always be together,

If the fates allow,

Hang a shining star upon the highest bow,

And have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

Joyeux Noël tout le monde!

– Coco

It’s a purrfect world

Toni, a frequent reader of my blog, recently remarked that I have some unique relatives. That’s true. I also have some unique — and fortunate — friends. Fortunate because many of them have been saved from homelessness by some very special humans. 

One such friend is Billie, who was brought in off the street by the kindly daughter of a guy who makes music for a living. Meet Billie.

Yup, Billie’s human is a real, live artist. He writes, he sings, he plays — he does everything. (Good thing Billie loves music so much, I say.)

Sometimes Billie’s human performs with a bunch of friends, and they call themselves Lunch At Allen’s. Coincidentally, Lunch At Allen’s just happens to be one of my human’s favorite bands.

Well, it also just so happens that Lunch At Allen’s is performing in Ottawa this weekend at Centrepointe Theatre. So guess what I gave my human as an early Christmas present? That’s right — six tickets to see Lunch At Allen’s on Saturday night. Not two tickets — six tickets. That’s so she could take her whole family to see the show. (Don’t ever say cats have no appreciation for the arts.)

Meanwhile, this — a two-hour show plus travel time — gives me and many other lucky cats a solid four-hour window to party without humanus interruptus. Ergo, Lunch At Allen’s is really the gift that keeps on giving. (Take heed of this, clever readers.) 

Lunch At Allen’s is Ian Thomas, Murray McLauchlan, Cindy Church & Marc Jordan

So thank you very much, Lunch At Allen’s, for all you do for cats — and millions of music-loving humans everywhere.

À bientôt mes amis!

– Coco

‘Tis the season

This past week, I received a Catmas card from my favorite cousin, Lulu. (The family resemblance is undeniable, n’est-ce pas?)

Don’t quote me on this but I believe those little dancing balls of light are code for “Wow, am I drunk.” (Again, the family resemblance.)

Anyway, over the course of history, we cats — like humans — have begrudgingly adapted to the cold winter months. And, like humans, we have adopted traditions which make the season a little merrier, such as exchanging gifts and getting together to eat ourselves into a stupor. Then, of course, we like to sing Catmas carols, such as this old chestnut. . .

Deck the halls with balls of cat hair,

Fa-la-la-la-la, lala-la-la,

‘Tis the reason you are sneezing,

Fa-la-la-la-la, lala-la-la.

Gone are now our days of leisure,

Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la,

Why must humans spoil our pleasure?

Fa-la-la-la-la, lala-la-la.

 

Taunt the lazy dog before us,

Fa-la-la-la-la, lala-la-la,

While the humans all ignore us,

Fa-la-la-la-la, lala-la-la.

Lots of warm eggnog and cold beer,

Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la,

Quick, before they come back in here,

Fa-la-la-la, la-la-la-laah!

. . . and that, my friends, is how Lulu ended up in the bag.

À bientôt mes amis!

– Coco